i guess this will be the my nth attempt of describing me.

hang on to your eyeballs.

i have learned that i’m a boring conversationalist, but i’m a willing listener (of course, willing, meaning as long as my ears aren’t bleeding yet); a smart ass(i’m only conceited once in a blue moon) by blood, but one who’s too moody and lazy to actually drag her feet to work. but yeah, when i’m passionate about it, i do my homework independently–that’s another thing, i long to be independent. i believe that is my destiny, and i’m working on it. i believe i have a good set of values and an equal collection of bad habits and mannerisms inside me;  i am fascinated with a lot of things–things that are deemed trivial by most of the population but are actually very interesting when one gets started. For example, i have a fancy for angels, ambigrams and the dark and morbid. i love the ocean. i don’t know why. i just do. i appreciate the moon, the stars and the constellations.(just don’t ask me the names of the constellations) and i like the rain and the cold winds of December and January. i also have a penchant for art in all its forms : graphic, film, audio, dance, the absurd, words and abstract.  i listen to any kind of music but would prefer alternatives, string quartet tributes, instrumental piano, and the songs from the baby boomers who reigned the airwaves in the 50’s and 60s. aside from those, i spend most of my time to think; but that doesn’t mean that i don’t talk. i talk to people everyday but i only speak up when needed(did you get the difference?). i can be pretty sensitive and touchy at times, specially with how people treat me in accordance to their impression of me. they often see me as this very serious person whose main purpose in life is to frown and stare. I’m a living person, I. AM. NOT. DEAD. i CAN be serious when i want to be, but that’s just one slice of the pizza. i can be ecstatic. i can be suicidal. i can be possessive. i can be indifferent. i can be cooperative. i can be talkative. and i can also be downright childish when i feel like it. i just look like i’m serious because i think too much. i’m one of the most defensive persons you’ll ever meet. it goes back to how i see myself. i am also very sarcastic and malicious.(sometimes naughty even.) but that’s only when i’m with certain people. i play sports too. i read. i make an effort to sketch or write well. i used to dance, but now i don’t and i’d rather not. and i’m not much of a tv person but i like movies and burning time just listening to soundtracks.

in terms of perspective, i’m more of a cynic but i can also be very idealistic, depending on the issue. i like to be outdoors and i’m fond of walking. most of the time, i overanalyze and complicate things. sometimes i just don’t want to do or say anything, and you have to respect that. i can be a loyal and supportive friend and fight my way when i know i’m right. my confidence is still on a test run and i’d rather write than speak in front of an audience, although i like to argue and hold debates.

I’m a mess, I am aware of that. i’m psychotic. i’m obsessed with pain and death. i’m a worry freak. but i take it all one day at a time and learn from everything.

Just like everyone else, i’m searching for a place to belong, and I’m hoping to meet someone who will understand me and my being and just love me as i am. i am also open for people who are willing to offer their friendship and trust me with their dreams and who they are. i dare to be different, and i strive to make a difference. we’ve all got one life to live so why rush it? we’re all bound to die anyway. As Octavio Paz said, “We are killing time, and so we die little by little.”

My life experiences aren’t so typical and I also have my genetic make-up partly to blame, nonetheless, i always have my wild imagination and my unceasing wonder as my sanctuary. Sometimes I get carried away and end up embittered with reality because i dream a lot and i tend to get overly ambitious beyond what i can actually handle in real time.
You and I aren’t so different.

After all these years, I’ve come to accept that the only person I’m really up against day by day is the one staring back at me in the mirror.
I guess that’s all that really matters.
For other details, find out for yourself. 🙂

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