somebody save me

November 7, 2012

“You start to feel your soul wither if you don’t have love around you. It’s a subtle decay but it’s there. People have so much of it to give and if they aren’t given an outlet, it becomes locked inside of you and suffocates the heart. You need a release. ”



what’s it like?

March 20, 2008

blogs and on-line journals are proof.

their trademark : pain, confusion and profound happiness.

so let’s go straight to it: what’s it like to actually have someone look at you and really listen to your soul ringing through your words? what’s it like to have someone look past your facial blemishes and see you for who you are? how does it feel like to be assured that someone would be waiting for you at the other end of the street to run to you and catch you when you scrape your knee or fall head over heels? is it really worthwhile to feel that empty pain resonating inside you for countless days, drowning you in tears and mad confusion and misery, resulting to that threatening feeling of uncertainty, rest assured that no matter what happens, whatever you say or do, someone will always believe in you and for that reason alone, it will always be enough to make things all right?

most stories revolve around romantic love, whether tragic or happily ever after endings. and it’s understandable since we were born out of love and for that, we are born to love and hopefully, be loved in return.

we learned in our Philosophy class that love is actually an illusion, an idea. and yeah, it is somehow true because love doesn’t immediately equal to instant happiness and a chance at happy ever after, unlike what Disney animated films teach us. love is brutal and draining. along with the bliss of being truly whole comes the cruel emptiness and the insecure and sometimes too possessive demands we mortals keep score. as perfect as we picture love to be, it never really is because face it, we’re not superhuman; our love is human in itself too.

what’s amazing about it is the fact that love can move mountains in the sense that when sufficiently supplied, our faith and hope for someone we love will have an effect on the universe and on the person as well. we try and love someone deeply, we change one life and that makes a lot of difference to the rest of the world.

countless people break out of their normal routines and try to be something more just to prove their sincerity and concern for another. tears have been poured over nights of endless confusion and disappointments for someone we want to spend time with. deviants have defied gravity in an effort to go to some distant land with someone outside the family whose soul, one believes, is also of his own.

and although i empathize with their suffering and personal pain, and it’s fun to listen to their heart-wrenching stories and unnoticed gestures of affection, it would be a lot nicer if i could somehow feel it myself. life can get boring at times when you’re only purpose is to listen to other people about their own experiences.

but i’m not complaining. i’m just saying it would be nice. i’m not ready anyway. i’l justl wait for love because i know someday, i’ll go through all its rigors. and i’ll be okay because someone will be with me to go through the agony first hand. one day, i too shall jot down every poetic word that my heart will send across my CNS and i’ll get to have someone hug me just for that.

but for now, let me wonder: what’s it like? is it really worth all the trouble?


November 6, 2007

I held the stars for you

And tried hard to gather enough life

But whatever I did it was not enough

To imitate your light

Apollo God of fire

Why do you forsake me?

Have you drunk too much splendor

That you no longer see me?

Are you too blind of pride

That you no longer love me?

Have you forgotten Luna;

The ever guardian of the sea?

Have you not felt my longing?

Or the intensity of my need?

Can you not tell how much I need you?

How each cold night magnified my want to be freed?

We were once shapeless clouds

Made merely of dust and air

We were once happy together

Until they made you flare

You became a star,

Resplendent and proud

And I became the moon

Our love was lost; unwanted to be found.

Still I chase after you

Though the gods condemn me so

For you I’ll make the waters wild

For you I consistently glow

Apollo my love, where are you now?

Have you drowned yourself in superficiality?

Am I no longer worthy of your love,

Are we not meant to be?