i’ve learned something valuable to me today. i surmise that i am not able to perform at my best no matter how much i push myself because some part of me has already given up; somewhere within me has already concluded that i am not enough and that i shouldn’t even try. and this is where my fear takes over because i do not want to be insufficient and i always make it a point to AT LEAST try. I’ve drawn up a defense mechanism to compensate for that fear and now i realize as i look back that indeed, i have never seen myself perform my best since gradeschool.

although it seems too dramatic in the clinical setting, the fact that we are already tackling psychiatric topics have made me stop and contemplate on the individual that i am today. after all the reflection time i’ve spent, this is the end product. bearing this is mind, there is a need for me to improve on myself but before i can, i still have to go back to take out the root that’s been holding me back.

i’ve also learned for the past two weeks, that time wasted is opportunities for growth lost. many times, my priorities weren’t really as urgent and i ended up doing things i regretted since in the end, i realized i could have used the time spent for something more productive.