he came in a dream

June 23, 2008

this was three nights ago, June 18.

after i woke up, i figured that it was all in my head. and yet, jogging side by side with him, having been so close to him with his signature smile all over his glowing face, I couldn’t bring myself to trust my logic because i also wanted to believe that he was really with me in my subconsciousness. but in the end, he’s gone.

i remember the pinnacle of my dream: he was eaten by the floor as it collapsed beneath us. i had gotten a good head start and was desperately trying to save him; i knew i only wanted to cling to any shred of what was left of our life before. but even that was gone, because the fact is my brother’s two years away from college, my nephew doesn’t need me reading to him as much as before and hey look, i’m suddenly a legal citizen. too many moments have passed us by.

as he struggled to hold on before submitting to the inevitable, he shot me a look; a cross between despair and permanent longing, and relief and indescribable joy to have seen me after two and a half years of silence.

without a word, he asked me to leave him.
go run was written across his face.
so i ran.

i went out for help and upon returning, he is gone.

Goodnight, my angel,
Now it’s time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say
Remember all the songs you sang for me
When we went sailing on an emerald bay
And like a boat out on the ocean
I’m rocking you to sleep
The water’s dark and deep
Inside this ancient heart
You’ll always be a part of me

i just wanted to share, that’s all.:)